KaM (bristolian_kam) wrote,

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Night Thoughts

~The Visions of the Daughters of Albion~ ~Jerusalem~ ~The Book of Thel~ ~A Vision of the Last Judgement~

The Sick RoseI am sorry, I can but try to be discreet. Worn down, completely exhausted. Somehow thankful for Friday's great deadline, where over a third of this year's work is due, the Dissertation finally leaves my hands, and there is finally room to breathe again. 'Carry on now. There is only a short way to go' A lot of the writing I've been doing recently has been about stepping back and viewing the concept of art, perhaps in each case asking with the author 'what use is a poem?' It gives a sense of perspective I only wish I could employ with greater circumspect for life as a whole. (Sorry for being allusive; it's the way it must be) A recent comment, not necessarily here, got me thinking nostalgically about certain anniversaries. Some people don't like the term (but there's another disreputable link). From a personal point of view, the year is neatly scattered with anniversaries of various upbeat and downbeat insinuations. Next week raises a nostalgic Marriage of Heaven and Hell. The reason it surfaces again it just because in taking a few minutes out ~ eyes have been sadly attached for many hours a day to the white screen of alternate lines of type for weeks, and now slowly starting to treat it all as a haze ~ I went prying and digging up where I shouldn't have; and it's just caught me, being in a delicate mood today, it's got to me for the first time. The Songs of Innocence and Experience. I've privately disparaged lots I've seen so far, without really being awake to what it was like for me, to where I can be empathetic. It's easy to look back and sigh relief at what has changed; not so to get yourself into that position of retrospective analysis. Just suddenly feel struck by an awful lot: not so much to say I know what's going on, or what I can do, but just how dare I judge, however privately, when I'm supposed to have been there before? Beit under the covers, writing on myself, slack grumbling at the hospital ~ I'd try not to call it hypocrisy, for I awaken eventually, but my self-employed ignorance often knows no bounds.

I should not write more here, even though I've no doubt I shall.

~All My Love~
Tags: dissertation, undergraduate essays

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