KaM (bristolian_kam) wrote,

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My Beloved Heroes

A message to the R.P.G. group. ~ The best group of friends anyone in the world could wish for. It will take an eternity to write up an account of our time together; yet where that failed last year, I pray I shall succeed this. You are all such amazing, special, wonderful people: and beyond the pain of separation today, harder than anything I've ever felt before, I can offer a positive thought that brings a smile in thinking of you guys. What can I say? Well ~ here's a few thoughts: Some of you might know that some problems have hit me over the course of the last few weeks; a sort of psychological collapse after the Easter term finished, which the tumult surrounding the R.P.G. has made worse. I needed each and every one of you guys to help me, as I knew you could, and I know you have put me on the right track once more. It has been surreal: for never before have I met anyone I've grown so dearly close to over the internet, as I did with Anna and David ~ and embodiments of strength, hope, trust and love ~ friendship which has blossomed into something incredible, for having met you guys in person; never, I think, have I felt so close to anyone after such a short time, having never had any contact with them before, as with Jason ~ my deepest regards to you, my friend; it has been deeply enriching to see again friends that I haven't seen since R.P.G. 5, Matt, Emii & Rachel, Blackpool, as is the case with Pooka, or London, the case with James ~ but having grown to know you and learn all the greatness about you guys and become tighter friends over this last year ~ meaning we met feeling we knew one another better and in a different dimension almost; and even with Gareth, whom I've had no contact with at all, it's still felt far stronger than last year; and then there's the guys that I've seen most of over this last year ~ Dave, Kieran and Forester; who continue to be the type of support that tells me "Nothing cannot be overcome" ~ I am wholeheartedly privileged to have such an amazing family in you guys.

My mind has been plagued with bits and pieces this week, and I'd been hoping that the very first day amongst my friends would offer me a miracle recovery. Sadly, it didn't happen, and I've been writhing in the standards of accomplishment I hope for in a gathering of such significance for me. I echo the apology for the night where my insistance on talking ended up keeping everyone awake. My emotional accomplishment began that night, where it had not taken off after the ecstacy and euphoria of meeting all you special souls on Wednesday and Thursday ~ and I'd been so desperate to pour out heart and soul; that night just had to be the release. I cannot ever let go about how much this group means to me, and I love trying to make you feel good about yourselves by reflecting on how much I take from your love, trust and respect in me. To be honest with you guys, I was in turmoil to the extent that I might have left the following day if that talk hadn't taken place ~ so I'd like to offer heartfelt thanks to everyone for that; for I'd not have missed the R.P.G. for my life, and people were happy to either stay awake to hear me through when I needed you, or be understanding were they disturbed from sleep. As a few of us established one evening in the T.V. room, the deep, profound richness of the group seems to glow from how we all need one another so much, and how we channel sometimes felt rejection elsewhere into positive energy in an environment where we feel more accepted.

Well, the pain I felt when leaving today, apart from so many deep, individual, secure friendships that are there, is down to a sensation that has felt increasingly powerful within me of recent days; and that is being within a perfect unity; a blissful environment where everywhere I turn, I feel welcomed, loved, wanted, invited - and everyone puts the effort in to make that the case for everyone. There's been lots of emotion there this week, as I definitely expected; and the support showed a companionship that I've never known before. It's ironic to be somewhat pleased about threats appearing to the foundation of the group; for they only make it pull together all the stronger. I am proud, privileged and never more touched by you all. And weren't you all fantastic on stage!? Look at the depth of these quests; the number of scenes we've managed to film, the amazing footage we have ~ ambition to succeed that was matched by creativity, character and certainly charisma. There is supreme talent on show; even when some things never change as Matt gets too deeply into the senile mind of Merlin. I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed the rest of your special close day together, for you have all earned it; and beyond jealously that I can't be there, it has warmed me to write this tribute to you guys. Make it up to me by feeling very special in yourselves; and not just for my sakes, trials and tribulations, but for your own as well. All your messages left for me were so beautiful ~ I'm beyond touched. It just goes to show me the ineffable idea that love is infinite and immeasurable - you all have my heart. I'll sign off before I get too upset, and look very much forward to catching up to everyone very soon. There's a mini-World inside every tear ~ it's worth it all.

Love, Peace and Harmony to you all ~~~~

Your most devoted creation, and biggest fan,

Keith x x x

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