My mind has been plagued with bits and pieces this week, and I'd been hoping that the very first day amongst my friends would offer me a miracle recovery. Sadly, it didn't happen, and I've been writhing in the standards of accomplishment I hope for in a gathering of such significance for me. I echo the apology for the night where my insistance on talking ended up keeping everyone awake. My emotional accomplishment began that night, where it had not taken off after the ecstacy and euphoria of meeting all you special souls on Wednesday and Thursday ~ and I'd been so desperate to pour out heart and soul; that night just had to be the release. I cannot ever let go about how much this group means to me, and I love trying to make you feel good about yourselves by reflecting on how much I take from your love, trust and respect in me. To be honest with you guys, I was in turmoil to the extent that I might have left the following day if that talk hadn't taken place ~ so I'd like to offer heartfelt thanks to everyone for that; for I'd not have missed the R.P.G. for my life, and people were happy to either stay awake to hear me through when I needed you, or be understanding were they disturbed from sleep. As a few of us established one evening in the T.V. room, the deep, profound richness of the group seems to glow from how we all need one another so much, and how we channel sometimes felt rejection elsewhere into positive energy in an environment where we feel more accepted.
Well, the pain I felt when leaving today, apart from so many deep, individual, secure friendships that are there, is down to a sensation that has felt increasingly powerful within me of recent days; and that is being within a perfect unity; a blissful environment where everywhere I turn, I feel welcomed, loved, wanted, invited - and everyone puts the effort in to make that the case for everyone. There's been lots of emotion there this week, as I definitely expected; and the support showed a companionship that I've never known before. It's ironic to be somewhat pleased about threats appearing to the foundation of the group; for they only make it pull together all the stronger. I am proud, privileged and never more touched by you all. And weren't you all fantastic on stage!? Look at the depth of these quests; the number of scenes we've managed to film, the amazing footage we have ~ ambition to succeed that was matched by creativity, character and certainly charisma. There is supreme talent on show; even when some things never change as Matt gets too deeply into the senile mind of Merlin. I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed the rest of your special close day together, for you have all earned it; and beyond jealously that I can't be there, it has warmed me to write this tribute to you guys. Make it up to me by feeling very special in yourselves; and not just for my sakes, trials and tribulations, but for your own as well. All your messages left for me were so beautiful ~ I'm beyond touched. It just goes to show me the ineffable idea that love is infinite and immeasurable - you all have my heart. I'll sign off before I get too upset, and look very much forward to catching up to everyone very soon. There's a mini-World inside every tear ~ it's worth it all.
Love, Peace and Harmony to you all ~~~~
Your most devoted creation, and biggest fan,
Keith x x x