January 20th, 2009


First Light

Welcome, this Journal and Journey of mine, to 2009. Alone in a lonely office, in a great, but lonely country, a country whose values, strangely enough, I admire more than my dear homeland. As I begin to reflect on the beginning of the end of my inconsequential purpose on this day of Revolution, I have long understood the need for my homeland; there is no substitute for a sense of belonging. This is another year, and yet this space tells the story best. I called it Echoes after my favourite book, and sense many from the patchwork of last year; not because only 3 weeks have past, but some kind of Ascendance, some kind of augury. By accident, I came across the French language dubbed episode of 24 that has haunted my thought. Insipid, unmoving; it left the same aura of disappointment that has clouded my own period.

I am here with my narrow channel connecting me to the rest of the world, and yet to nobody; and a window reflecting the inside light with the darkness and cold outside. I could be all-powerful, and yet am powerless. It is a World of Extremes and Opposites. While I mean nothing, for the place of words that could be worthless and reach nowhere, I embody those extremes and opposites. It is shameful that guilt and loneliness has been let in, wiping away confidence and unlocking worry. If regression comes with the economy, that would not be unfair - I've had a grand share of good fortune since the founding of this space, no matter what I think I've lost. But I waited here tonight to watch the inauguration ceremony: and I'm moved by the very real rhetoric, and the very real spirit. For the first time in a long time, I might leave this office, believing that the long walk home might just be a little lighter, and that I might smile.

(i who have died am alive again today
and this is our son's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings: and of the gay
great happening
illimitably earth)

Anybody who reads this, I would love to hear from you. If you could spare a few seconds to leave just a few words, they will bolster me for very much longer. Love and Peace for Ever and Ever.
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